Check Your Premises

I've had several wildlife sightings in the past few days.  First, there was a beautiful fox on Engineers Road.  He came out one side, casually loped up the road for a few seconds, then disappeared down the opposite embankment.  He had gorgeous grey / tan / red fur.

Fox

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Bobcat

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Next morning, Rich & I are in the bedroom when we hear a loud turkey gobble from what sounds like the living room.  We go there and see a huge tom, with all his feathers puffed and arrayed, on the steps about 5 feet away from the living room windows.  Of couse he started moving away as soon as we entered the room.

TurkeyWildTom

Later that day, Seamus was snoozing on the couch when we both noticed an adult ground squirrel making his way up the steps like he owned the place.  Seamus ran to the window and watched this abomination for a moment, then went to the door where I let him out.  Silently, he slipped up to the porch railing, then to the level above where the squirrel had gone, and then the chase was on!  They made several circles around a clump of bushes at breakneck speed, which was hilarious.  Then the squirrel broke for it and ran back down the steps with Seamus right behind.  Fortunately for the squirrel, Seamus was no match for him in speed on a straightaway, and he gave up about halfway down.

California_Ground_Squirrel

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That evening, before Rich got home, I noticed a tarantula on the ceiling of the hallway right behind where I was sitting.  It was about 3 inches across.  We tend to get the little (har) ones in the house, but we've seen some in our neighborhood that are 5 to 6 inches across.  (Once we found a big one crossing Engineers Road - I'd almost run over it - and we stopped to usher it the rest of the way across before someone did squash him.  Rich got a twig and approached it, but the dude literally hunkered down, dug his little heels into the ground, and was having none of this noise.  I almost expected to see it grab the twig from Rich and beat him with it!)  Anyway, it's normally Rich's job to catch stray critters in the house, but he wasn't home, so I was forced to catch it myself.  We have a large round tupperware that's perfect for this.  I was so wigged out by the time I got it outside, I just tossed the tupperware and it's cover outside, figuring the tarantula would just crawl out.  I waited 10 minutes or so, when out to collect the tupperware, and found the bug still crouched inside!  When Rich arrived, I started to tell him about the tupperware outside, and went to the screen door and saw another, even larger tarantula clinging to the screen about halfway up on the outside!  I'm flipping out by now.  Rich didn't have the heart to tell me (until the next morning) about the third tarantula he saw on the exterior wall of the house!  They're most likely out running around trying to find some action.

Tarantula

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Lastly, here at Altamira we have our own Catch & Release Program!  Seamus catches lizards, brings them into the house, then promptly proceeds to lose them.  Sometimes, Rich or I are able to catch them and release them outside.  (Here's a good trick - if you drop a damp paper towel over a lizard, it won't move and you can pick it up.)  Sometimes they find their own way out under the screen door.  There've been more lizards this year than ever - and they're big and fat, too.  I just had to catch one and let it out right now while I was typing!

Lizards

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As promised, here are the African Queen Irises.  They bloomed this past week:

Imag0659

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Imag0670

Imag0676

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.  Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
__________________________________________

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking .
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away?.  This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'  EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidep ressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed  'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX),Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like
Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part ):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........
Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen
the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again be cause none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

Well, it's been pretty nice being up here in the mountains all the time.  Rich thinks I'm more relaxed already.  We have more time together, even without our commute time.  On Tuesday through Thursday, we can sleep in late, make coffee and have breakfast together, and hang out for a couple hours before he leaves for the studio.

On Saturday, we got home in the afternoon, and I noticed Seamus watching a corner of the room very intently.  Cats can be strange this way, but it occured to me he might have a mouse trapped in that corner.  Sure enough, he did, but not a mouse, it was a tiny ground squirrel!  We moved a bookcase and the chase was on again.  A couple of times, we were sure the poor thing had expired.  After a couple minutes, we were able to catch it with a towel and release it outside.  It was the cutest thing you can imagine -- looked like this:

Bebe sqwerls

Last spring, we had some "African Queen" irises come up. I'm thrilled to report that more are on the way again this year.  Two stalks have popped up so far.  It will be a while longer before they bloom. I'll post pix when they do. Here's what they looked like last year:

Africanqueen_irises2

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah . I see you regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact! But the thing is that it isn't cheap. It is $1000 an inch.  The man perks up at this.

"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you go for the nine-inch, your wife might be a bit put off. But if you had a nine-inch before and you go for the five-inch, she might be disappointed. So it's an important decision that you and your wife should probably talk over.
 
The man agrees to talk to his wife. 

The doctor comes back the next day and says, "So, have you spoken to your wife?" 

"I have," says the man.

"And she has helped you in making the decision?"

"Yes she has," the man says.

"And what is it?" the doctor asked.

"We're getting new granite countertops."

I found out yesterday that my position at MMA is being eliminated effective May 8th.  They're being really nice about it, and there are no hard feelings on either part. I will be able to draw unemployment insurance, and I'm getting a nice severance package.  We'll have to cut back on expenses, but we'll be okay.  My health should improve -- the building is over 100 years old, and a very unhealthy environment what with 40 people, dust, mold, sick people and stuffy close workspaces.  Not to mention the 4,500 foot elevation change twice a day 5 days a week.  So this should be A Good Thing.  Had a 10-year run -- by far the longest I've worked anywhere!

Being a squirmy worm on the couch:

Squirmy wormy

Wedged into couch

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You can see his kitty door (which leads into the vestibule) from the inside:

Dead cat by kitty door

Another shot of the vestibule all opened up:

Vestibule-open1

And random shots of him wandering Altamira:

Amongst mtn lilac

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By lil oak tree

In tree2

On stone steps5

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On wishing well2

On wishing well

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Here's a few new pix of Seamus on our property and climbing trees:

Seamus by treestump

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Seamus mid-climb

Seamus in tree

Here's the "vestibule" Rich built for him.  He goes in and out through his kitty door to access it.  His litterbox is inside, with a outward-opening door to facilitate its removal and cleaning.  The little metal trashcan holds any contents to be disposed of.  The smaller door is inward-opening, and we can open that for Seamus to access the outdoors (only during the day).  Rich designed it so we can open it for him from inside the house.  He climbs down the steps and if it's muddy or snowy, he has that little walkway to prevent delicate pawpads from getting icky.  There's tarpaper on the roof, and it stays quite dry during a rain.  Took an entire weekend to build - he really did a great job on it.

Vestibule-closed

Vestibule-open

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